I Believe

My motto is: Never tell the truth when a lie will do. I’m secretive by nature, even prone to keeping secrets from myself. I avoid saying anything that might clarify my thoughts or feelings. I prefer some wiggle room—if you know what I mean.

With that in mind, you’ll understand why phrases such as “I believe” are too absolute for me. A phrase like that could lead to trouble.

But, in case you don’t understand, here’s an example. Suppose I just had sex with some guy—took his virginity, in fact. Not through any particular desire for him, lord no, not sweet, moon-eyed Brody. Rather, because his roommate, Frank, and I had an understanding: no hearts, no flowers, just courteous, no-strings sex, and this arrangement worked absolutely fine until Frank’s little pink-and-white, out-of-town girlfriend made a surprise appearance.